i need an iv and a liver transplant
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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