oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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