I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
