Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
