You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
