walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
