and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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