Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
is it fun? or sober?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
