i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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