i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
