I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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