I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
