if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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