if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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