he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
