my sisters under your porch take her home
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
