hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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