My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My ass is underappreciated
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
