I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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