Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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