FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
