Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Panties = found
Randomize
