1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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