Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
