I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
