How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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