Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
