Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
