too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
