I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
