omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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