You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
