in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
