you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
