Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
