MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
