You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
