This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
