Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
