Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
