thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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