First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
