Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
