I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just cropdusted the office
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
