Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
