I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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