allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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