non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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