dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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