And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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