Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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