I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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